Thursday, July 25, 2013

"it's finally here"

 From our, mine and my husband's, personal experience I can truly say that not finding out the sex was great! It was funny to us because the whole time I was pregnant we kept referring to "it" as he or him. Not gonna lie we really wanted a boy. I had purchased baseball jammies, and other sports things as well for our little mister that was coming. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is still going to wear those jammies and have a fine appreciation for the St. Louis Cardinals baseball, Chicago Bears football, and Blackhawks hockey!

I have said it to many of my friends already, she's the coolest and best thing I have EVER done. And I would do it all again. Every single bitchy, uncomfortable, crying, restless, insanely horrible heartburn, swollen feet, back pain, hot flash, cold feet, husband hating, non-smoking, non-drinking, exhausted from breathing, 55 pound gain moment! It was awesome.

All the bitching I did in the other blogs I wrote while pregnant, it is still legit and real and true. Motherhood has changed a few aspects of me, but for the most part, I am still me. Loud, bitchy, stubborn, overly emotional, dramatic, and highly sensitive to people that are really stupid.

So now I start a new journey...parenting. So far, I am a train wreck. It's been HIGHLY emotional at the Pasko casa. I have cried a LOT!! Buckets and buckets, loads and loads, heaps and heaps. I have cried because the baby was crying and I didn't know why nor could I get her to stop, and this was while we were still in the hospital folks! But, I'm sorry to say I'm not going to spill all my crazy on here. But I will say this, I am very lucky to have a great and strong husband and family and friends to soothe me, and talk me down from my "I'm a bad parent" ledge.

To all those I know that are next in line, if you are reading this, I'm going to throw a few nuggets your way. Ask every single question that pops into your head at your doctor, at time of delivery, etc. There is NEVER a stupid reason to call, or a stupid question to ask. I will warn you that after you deliver and you ask for a beer, they will deny you of that. I was highly disappointed by this, but, c'est la vie. If your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, grandma, or whoever is of the needle hating, high risk for passing out variety, have him focus on you from your shoulders up.
Epidurals?! DO IT!!!! Trust me, you really want to be the strong girl and a bad ass trooper to be able to make it through with no drugs. But, when those contractions kick into high gear and they are coming hard and every 2 minutes, and it feels like your internal organs are going to exit your body through your butthole...hero status takes a quick back seat and you are willing to pay any dollar amount to get whoever it is in that room with drugs, and to get them there ASAP! I mean, whatever, do what you feel. If you do reign supreme and don't take the drugs, high five to you! ...and let me know how your middle feels about three days later, I think you'll swear you didn't give birth but got hit in your genitals with a semi. Just sayin.

But, I am healthy and happy. My baby is healthy and from what I can tell happy. I have a family now. I am mother. I have a daughter. My legacy lives on in the prettiest little girl I have ever seen.
And I will remind you that these words are coming to you from a party girl that was never going to have kids...

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I fail at blog life

I am doing a REALLY shitty job of keeping up with this blog. I apologize to everyone including myself. However this time I have a pretty damn good excuse. Let me rephrase that, I have some pretty damn good excuses, well, I think they are good excuses. And as cranky and bitchy as my pregnant ass is these days...I dare anyone to disagree. Disagree equals I sit on you. Just as a heads up, I have gained about 45 pounds!!
Anyways, reasons for slacking on blog:
1) I have been building a human  
2) I have been staying at my parents while my husband was away for work, which means zero internet!!
3) I have been building a human
4) I have been building a human

See!! Damn good excuses!! And as of today, I am at 29 weeks people! I am TOTALLY over being pregnant! I want this baby out! I know, I know, some of you probably think "I can't believe she is saying this". Well kids, if you have ever met me, you know that I would totally say all of this!! Don't get me wrong Iv am super excited to be having a baby!! But pregnancy has SUCKED!!
Everything, and I mean everything gives me heartburn!! Sleeping gives me heartburn. Did she say sleeping?! YES, I said sleeping!!! Which translates to breathing, breathing gives me heartburn. Preggo legend says that "if you have a lot of heartburn while pregnant, your baby has a lot of hair." Well then I better brush up on my Wookie-speak cause I'm gonna be giving birth to Chewbacca!!!!
And kids, I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a delicious, cold, refreshing, frosty.....BEER!!! If someone could bring a cooler to the hospital while I'm in labor, I would greatly appreciate that! Cause as soon as this baby comes out someone better slap a beer in my hand. I thank you in advance whoever you are, my post-labor beer fairy, you will get in to heaven on this one task alone!!!
As of last ultrasound we are right on track for July 16th due date. Hopefully that date remains true. If they bump it to later, there will be blood shed in my OBGYN's office!!
Well, this blog is short, and I am sorry. But I am sitting at Starbucks's and I swear it is 500 degrees in here. I have already sucked down my iced DECAF coffee like it was the last liquid to ever be given to me ever!
I'm gonna go sweat in my car just from sitting and doing nothing. Driving is my cardio, cause even just that little of movement makes me feel like I have ran a damn marathon!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

I fake smile because I don't care what you say

Only 10 weeks in to this pregnancy and I want everyone to shut the hell up!! I am happy that you have children of your own, really I am. But I really don't give a shit about what you think I should or should not do while pregnant!! Unless I have given you my insurance card and there is a Dr. in front of your name, and you are a specialist in Obstetrics, SHUT UP!!
In fact, that's a great idea, I'll just wheel around a bed with stirrups and anytime anyone wants to offer their enlightening advice I'm just going to hop up on said bed and then say, "thanks doc, I'm ready for my exam now."
And what's also helpful in this great pool of opinions is that I don't look 10 weeks pregnant, I look about 4 months pregnant. This then brings on this conversation.
Opinionated Turd:  "How far along are you?"
Me: "10 weeks."
Turd: "Oh...10 weeks, really?, are you having twins?"
Me: "No, (sarcastic I hate you fake laugh)
Turd: "Are you sure?"
Me: (painfully sarcastic laugh through gritted teeth) Yes, just have some insane bloating and digestive trouble.

Yup, that's how it goes. How do I picture it in my head though... glad you asked!

Turd: "I'm a mindless asshole that is going to drop verbal diarrhea on you about your pregnancy. I will start by asking how far along are you?"
Me: "10 weeks, and I can't wait to hear what stupid shit you have to say now!"
Turd: "Damn you are huge!! You sure there isn't more than one in there? Are you having a litter?"
Me: "No, jackass."
Turd: "I'm going to ask if you are sure, because I think I need to repeat myself to make sure you aren't a liar."
Me: "Yup, that's what I do, lie to a nobody like yourself about how far along I am. And since you are totally invested in my life, I'll let you in on another secret. I CAN'T SHIT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN ANYMORE!! IT'S 4 TO 5 DAYS BETWEEN POOS, WHEN I DO GO, IT'S A PREVIEW OF GIVING BIRTH BECAUSE AFTER I'VE DROPPED THE CONSTIPATION BOMB, I LOSE 5 TO 6 POUNDS AND GO BACK TO LOOKING NOT SO PREGNANT!!!!!"
Turd: "Oh, well, I don't have kids, I really don't know."
Me: ....stab, stab, stab

I have been doing a lot of daydream stabbing lately! And again, only 10 weeks in folks!

I will share something that is really awesome though, me and Jay went to the doctor the other day. I wasn't far enough along yet to hear the heartbeat, but we got to see it. It was pretty damn cool. To be honest I don't know what was better, watching the heartbeat, or watching Jay watch the heartbeat, love him!!

I go back to the doctor on January 2. Can't wait to hear the heartbeat, and to pee in a cup again!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Long time, you no write!!!

WOW!! I have neglected this blog like that random tupperware bowl in the back of my fridge. I know what's in the bowl, however am scared to either open it and clean it (fear of vomit), or throw it out (fear of losing tupperware bowl?). I guess either way I am losing something. The feeling that I just realized that I have been experiencing due to not writing regularly in this blog. To my loyal followers weather you have given up hope, or are sitting waiting for your computer to ding that update ding to tell you that Shanny's back!!!
And going forward with this should be interesting. Interesting more in a funny awkward haha kinda way. Reasons for this being that 1) I am engaged and 2) I am pregnant!!! So, if either number 1 made you say whaaaat?!? or number 2 (teehee number 2) anyways, or number 2 made you say whaaaat?! or if both number 1 and 2 actually made your brain explode from going WHAAAAATTTT?!?!?! I actually experienced the latter, brain explosion, then realized that I needed to get my shit together because it is me that's the bride and mother-to-be.
So, with my brain newly back intact I now venture in to one big unknown. I am excited and happy and nervous and every emotion you can probably think of!! ....damn I forgot another nugget of news, myself and Mr. Handsome/fiance'/my baby daddy/Jay are moving back to Springfield!! Home Sweet Home!! I may be traveling into unknown waters as far as having a baby goes, but it's nice to know that those waters will be filled with my wonderful Jay, my family, and my friends. My sister has already endured many prego questions and I haven't even found out my due date yet. If my sex calculations are correct, it's probably going to be in July. So if all you math geniuses that can count back nine months from July...yes, I extremely barely pregnant.
There are however some things that I do know... I am not going to lie, now before I finish this sentence I want everyone to know that yes I will be happy with a boy or a girl, but dammit I want a boy!! And to be honest I have been yelling BOY at my non-showing nano-second pregnant belly, and making others participate in this ritual as well!! Why a boy? Because I was a holy fucking terror as an adolescent and know that I would get that 10-fold if I have a girl. Now, a girl may come in to the world later for us, but I think I would be better prepared to handle if girl were the second baby!! And now you are going whaaaattt?! again, because yes, I would like to maybe keep on with baby makin' after having one.
So join me now, on my journey through moving during the winter (while pregnant), planning a wedding (while pregnant) and being pregnant (while pregnant). 

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Behind closed doors...

For some reason I fill compelled to give you a blog of TMI on myself!! Let me explain, I was thinking to myself the other day about habits. Habits that have turned in to routines, and even bad habits that are now addictions. Everyone has them. Sometimes you are very aware of them, other times you have no clue of your habits, that is until someone points them out to you, and it's usually because they are annoyed by it. I am guilty of being annoyed by some peoples' bad habits but then turning around and doing the same thing myself. Because it's not annoying when I do it myself, teehee.
I can't stand click top ink pens. Why? Because people stand around and click the absolute shit out of them. If you are that person that is around me clicking that pen over and over like a speed freak, I will yank said pen out of your hand and throw the son of a bitch across the room!!! I have done this to many a person!
To all you gum poppers, spit it out, or choke on it!!! ...but this is one that I do myself, because, it's not annoying when I do it. Unless your name is Rita, then you make me spit my gum out into your hand and throw it away.
Do you smack your mouth when you chew? Well, then please for the love of God DO NOT eat near me!!
I hate that noise!
Okay, sorry, rant weird habits...
I love magazines, I especially love food and cooking magazines! I will fully flip through a new magazine, won't read a word. Cover to cover I look through the whole thing. And I won't read a word of it until I have done this. I love books too. When I get a new book, my habit there is to read the very first word and the very last word. Every book everytime! I also visualize characters as movie stars and if the book was ever turned in to a movie, who would play each part.
I can't drink my morning coffee until after I have brushed my teeth, I love the way it tastes! And I always have to have a cigarette with the first cup too. There in lies another habit, I will roll a cigarette around on my lips before I light it.
I love fried chicken! When I eat friend chicken I will eat all the skin off of it first before I eat the rest.
I love to buy underwear!! But I don't wear them. I hate wearing underwear!! But I have a drawer full!!
I don't like to wash my jeans after everytime I wear them. I won't wash my jeans for weeks sometimes!
I have to sleep with the t.v. on. It has to be something I have seen over and over, so I won't stay awake and actually watch it. It's the background noise that I need. So for the last almost year, Harry Potter has been on rotation nightly in my Blu-ray player to sing me to sleep.
I hate scary movies, but secretly love to be scared. I love ghost stories, and tales of hauntings!! But after watching a scary movie I need to immediately watch a Disney movie or comedy, so I don't stay awake scared all night. 
I can't write with chalk, I can't even hardly pick a piece of chalk up. It gives me goosebumps. I hate it!
I hate having my ankles touched. I have kicked many a person and a couple doctors for touching my ankles.
I have a crazy, literal knee-jerk reaction to this.
I will leave you with one final confession. My sister is going to shit when she reads this part....
I have a list of words, words that I hate to hear, words that gross me out, words that I refuse to say. After finding out what these words are, friends of mine tend to cram them all in to one foul run on sentence, or just choose one and say it over and over until I want to cause them physical harm!
Douche -- although this one is on it's way off the list, I use it frequently now!

After typing those, I am physically ill. There is some vomit in my mouth now.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

back in my day....

First off, an apology to those of you that read this blog. I had to take some time away because I have been angry. I was angry for many reasons that I could not disclose on here. And honestly all I wanted to do was write about it. I did however jot it all down in a journal that for now will stay for my eyes only!
I will now continue birthday is quickly approaching, I will be celebrating yet another anniversary of my 21st!! I am by no means old, but I am definitely feeling that way! I was talking baseball to a friend the other day, we were discussing the price of tickets to go watch MLB. It's insane!! And before I could stop myself the words were coming out, "when I was a kid it was so cheap to go to a game." I remember when I was a kid going to see the St. Louis Cardinals play in Busch Stadium. The family loading up our own coolers, yes for you younger readers you use to be able to take your own shit into the ballgame! We would go and wait in line for bleacher seats in the outfield. I didn't make the purchase for these tickets, I was only maybe 9 or 10 at the time, but I know for a fact that it wasn't more than may be $6 or $7 a piece! Don't worry I didn't follow up by saying "and when I went to school I walked up hill both ways in the freezing cold, barefoot blah blah blah...." But, I realized something though, I am getting older and some things, well most things will never be as they were when I was younger. I'm not just talking the price I pay for many things, but how we function as a society as well. For example, I am sitting in Starbucks right now, using their wi-fi to write this blog. Blog...a word only recently introduced to our vocabulary as well. Not only is the wi-fi running on my laptop but also on my i-Phone by my side, I am texting my sister and forwarding my friend Rita a recipe. Again, I'm not that old, and it wasn't that long ago that I remember the first cell phone. That big Zach Morris Saved by the Bell heavy gray monstrosity. The only thing it had going for it was the big orange numbers! And now, there isn't much I can't do on my phone. If this is how technology is now, I can't even imagine what kind of amazing things my niece and nephew will get to be a part of.
Something that makes me giggle, is how with all this ever changing technology and everyone needing the latest and greatest gadgets and phones and computers that somethings have made comebacks. Things that we thought were long gone, and over. For Big fashion designers are taking past fashions and just putting different titles on them. 70's dress is "bo-ho sheek" , 80's dress is "new age hipster". Actually no, style thief, its just the fact that you can't find anything new! Another example, food. All these new restaurants doing Asian-cuban-all american-gastronomy-fusion....but doing this to say, peanut butter and jelly, hamburger and fries. Hey morons, your paying hundreds of dollars for shit that I just made in my kitchen for about a buck! And to top that all off PBR is the cool thing to drink, PBR!! Are you fucking kidding me?! Ladies and gentlemen not just PBR but PBR in a "tall-boy". Sorry, I think I got on a tangent that has more to do with hatred toward hipsters. Anyways, I believe I just made a realization in that it's self. Times may change, prices will go up, technology will continue to become more and more amazing. But I know that even though I may pay hundreds of dollars for a baseball ticket, it's still the same game. I may do a lot of my shopping online now, but I still get the same feeling like when I was a kid and got new clothes, I was so excited that I had to wear them right then!! I still do that. I have embraced the world of downloading books, but still love the smell when I go into a bookstore. I may send birthday wishes via Facebook, but its still a good feeling to know people are thinking of you on your special day. Getting older will bring change, no matter what era, you can't stop it, you can't fight it, you can't hide from it! So...saying that, bring it on 31, what do you have in store for my next year of living? what age can I be considered a cougar??

Sunday, April 1, 2012

a rose by any other name....

Once upon a time there was a girl who worked at her local fairgrounds over the summer. She slaved away in a BBQ joint where the pit was in the middle, with no air-conditioning and it was at the end of July. From open of the day to close, she worked the carry-out window, slinging pulled pork sandwiches, brisket, ribs, chicken, hot links, and slaw-dogs. (for the unknowing, a slaw-dog is a foot-long hot dog with mustard, relish, onions, chili, and coleslaw) Much to her chagrin, her older sister knew of said summer employment and indulged in visiting her sweaty sibling. Upon discovery of the sacred slaw-dog, her sister bestowed this upon her as a nickname.

Yup, that's right dear readers my sister Amy called me "slaw-dog" for at least another 6 months after my BBQ job was over. And even now, 15 years after this fairground career ceased to exist, she randomly throws out the loving nickname of yore and calls me "slaw-dog" for old time sake, while laughing her ass off.

Nicknames, I have had quite the load of them. Here's a list for you, not only the nickname but the giver as well:
Blossom - my dad
Number 2 - my momma
Shan Juan Puerto Rico - my grandpa
Shan Juan - shortened version of previous
Shanny -majority of my family, but I believe my sister is the starter of this one
Shenanigans - many a co-worker
Shan-ager (like manager) - my employees at Lou Malnati's in River North
Shan - majority of family, especially my aunt Marcy
Shanny Shanny Fun Pants - Katie Todd
Slaw Dog - my sister
Pink - Josh Goins, (Dazed and Confused reference)
Camry - also Josh Goins, and Rich
Stinker Bear - Matt Clements
Channon - Rita Drake
Chano - 95% of my Latinos at Lou Malnati's
Shanoonoonoonoonoon - Mr. Ashton
ShanTawn - my dad

These are just a few. Nicknames are fun, and looking over my list here it cracks me up to think of all the stories behind all these and how they came to be. Everyone on this list who bestowed a nickname upon me also has names that I have in return bestowed upon them. However I will not be listing all those, except for one. He has no nicknames for me on this list, but to those of you who have read my blog, I have been getting the question "who is this Mr. Handsome you have spoke of"? (I feel like Carrie on Sex and the City and I'm finally revealing what Mr. Big's name is). My Mr. Handsome is...drum roll please.... my wonderful boyfriend Jay! He doesn't mind, he just asked that I never refer to him as my "man-friend". Man-friend makes me giggle. teehee. 
Something I've noticed about nicknames, it's not always something completely off base from your name, in fact my good friend Jackie, to me she's Mrs. Jackson, has always called me Shannon Taylor. Never just the first name, never a shortening of the name, it's always Shannon Taylor to her.
On an ending point, I have decided to say thank you to all those who have nicknamed me, but I will be listing your nicknames, can you figure out who is who? (I know I said I wouldn't list them all earlier, but I changed my mind)
Thank you,
Weiner Bear
My Sista from Anotha Mista
Mrs. Jackson
Kathy Topp
Old Man
and Mr. Handsome