I fake smile because I don't care what you say

Only 10 weeks in to this pregnancy and I want everyone to shut the hell up!! I am happy that you have children of your own, really I am. But I really don't give a shit about what you think I should or should not do while pregnant!! Unless I have given you my insurance card and there is a Dr. in front of your name, and you are a specialist in Obstetrics, SHUT UP!!
In fact, that's a great idea, I'll just wheel around a bed with stirrups and anytime anyone wants to offer their enlightening advice I'm just going to hop up on said bed and then say, "thanks doc, I'm ready for my exam now."
And what's also helpful in this great pool of opinions is that I don't look 10 weeks pregnant, I look about 4 months pregnant. This then brings on this conversation.
Opinionated Turd:  "How far along are you?"
Me: "10 weeks."
Turd: "Oh...10 weeks, really? ...um, are you having twins?"
Me: "No, (sarcastic I hate you fake laugh)
Turd: "Are you sure?"
Me: (painfully sarcastic laugh through gritted teeth) Yes, just have some insane bloating and digestive trouble.

Yup, that's how it goes. How do I picture it in my head though... glad you asked!

Turd: "I'm a mindless asshole that is going to drop verbal diarrhea on you about your pregnancy. I will start by asking how far along are you?"
Me: "10 weeks, and I can't wait to hear what stupid shit you have to say now!"
Turd: "Damn you are huge!! You sure there isn't more than one in there? Are you having a litter?"
Me: "No, jackass."
Turd: "I'm going to ask if you are sure, because I think I need to repeat myself to make sure you aren't a liar."
Me: "Yup, that's what I do, lie to a nobody like yourself about how far along I am. And since you are totally invested in my life, I'll let you in on another secret. I CAN'T SHIT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN ANYMORE!! IT'S 4 TO 5 DAYS BETWEEN POOS, WHEN I DO GO, IT'S A PREVIEW OF GIVING BIRTH BECAUSE AFTER I'VE DROPPED THE CONSTIPATION BOMB, I LOSE 5 TO 6 POUNDS AND GO BACK TO LOOKING NOT SO PREGNANT!!!!!"
Turd: "Oh, well, I don't have kids, I really don't know."
Me: ....stab, stab, stab

I have been doing a lot of daydream stabbing lately! And again, only 10 weeks in folks!

I will share something that is really awesome though, me and Jay went to the doctor the other day. I wasn't far enough along yet to hear the heartbeat, but we got to see it. It was pretty damn cool. To be honest I don't know what was better, watching the heartbeat, or watching Jay watch the heartbeat, love him!!

I go back to the doctor on January 2. Can't wait to hear the heartbeat, and to pee in a cup again!

Long time, you no write!!!

WOW!! I have neglected this blog like that random tupperware bowl in the back of my fridge. I know what's in the bowl, however am scared to either open it and clean it (fear of vomit), or throw it out (fear of losing tupperware bowl?). I guess either way I am losing something. The feeling that I just realized that I have been experiencing due to not writing regularly in this blog. To my loyal followers weather you have given up hope, or are sitting waiting for your computer to ding that update ding to tell you that Shanny's back!!!
And going forward with this should be interesting. Interesting more in a funny awkward haha kinda way. Reasons for this being that 1) I am engaged and 2) I am pregnant!!! So, if either number 1 made you say whaaaat?!? or number 2 (teehee number 2) anyways, or number 2 made you say whaaaat?! or if both number 1 and 2 actually made your brain explode from going WHAAAAATTTT?!?!?! I actually experienced the latter, brain explosion, then realized that I needed to get my shit together because it is me that's the bride and mother-to-be.
So, with my brain newly back intact I now venture in to one big unknown. I am excited and happy and nervous and every emotion you can probably think of!! ....damn I forgot another nugget of news, myself and Mr. Handsome/fiance'/my baby daddy/Jay are moving back to Springfield!! Home Sweet Home!! I may be traveling into unknown waters as far as having a baby goes, but it's nice to know that those waters will be filled with my wonderful Jay, my family, and my friends. My sister has already endured many prego questions and I haven't even found out my due date yet. If my sex calculations are correct, it's probably going to be in July. So if all you math geniuses that can count back nine months from July...yes, I extremely barely pregnant.
There are however some things that I do know... I am not going to lie, now before I finish this sentence I want everyone to know that yes I will be happy with a boy or a girl, but dammit I want a boy!! And to be honest I have been yelling BOY at my non-showing nano-second pregnant belly, and making others participate in this ritual as well!! Why a boy? Because I was a holy fucking terror as an adolescent and know that I would get that 10-fold if I have a girl. Now, a girl may come in to the world later for us, but I think I would be better prepared to handle if girl were the second baby!! And now you are going whaaaattt?! again, because yes, I would like to maybe keep on with baby makin' after having one.
So join me now, on my journey through moving during the winter (while pregnant), planning a wedding (while pregnant) and being pregnant (while pregnant). 

Behind closed doors...

For some reason I fill compelled to give you a blog of TMI on myself!! Let me explain, I was thinking to myself the other day about habits. Habits that have turned in to routines, and even bad habits that are now addictions. Everyone has them. Sometimes you are very aware of them, other times you have no clue of your habits, that is until someone points them out to you, and it's usually because they are annoyed by it. I am guilty of being annoyed by some peoples' bad habits but then turning around and doing the same thing myself. Because it's not annoying when I do it myself, teehee.
I can't stand click top ink pens. Why? Because people stand around and click the absolute shit out of them. If you are that person that is around me clicking that pen over and over like a speed freak, I will yank said pen out of your hand and throw the son of a bitch across the room!!! I have done this to many a person!
To all you gum poppers, spit it out, or choke on it!!! ...but this is one that I do myself, because, it's not annoying when I do it. Unless your name is Rita, then you make me spit my gum out into your hand and throw it away.
Do you smack your mouth when you chew? Well, then please for the love of God DO NOT eat near me!!
I hate that noise!
Okay, sorry, rant over...my weird habits...
I love magazines, I especially love food and cooking magazines! I will fully flip through a new magazine, won't read a word. Cover to cover I look through the whole thing. And I won't read a word of it until I have done this. I love books too. When I get a new book, my habit there is to read the very first word and the very last word. Every book everytime! I also visualize characters as movie stars and if the book was ever turned in to a movie, who would play each part.
I can't drink my morning coffee until after I have brushed my teeth, I love the way it tastes! And I always have to have a cigarette with the first cup too. There in lies another habit, I will roll a cigarette around on my lips before I light it.
I love fried chicken! When I eat friend chicken I will eat all the skin off of it first before I eat the rest.
I love to buy underwear!! But I don't wear them. I hate wearing underwear!! But I have a drawer full!!
I don't like to wash my jeans after everytime I wear them. I won't wash my jeans for weeks sometimes!
I have to sleep with the t.v. on. It has to be something I have seen over and over, so I won't stay awake and actually watch it. It's the background noise that I need. So for the last almost year, Harry Potter has been on rotation nightly in my Blu-ray player to sing me to sleep.
I hate scary movies, but secretly love to be scared. I love ghost stories, and tales of hauntings!! But after watching a scary movie I need to immediately watch a Disney movie or comedy, so I don't stay awake scared all night. 
I can't write with chalk, I can't even hardly pick a piece of chalk up. It gives me goosebumps. I hate it!
I hate having my ankles touched. I have kicked many a person and a couple doctors for touching my ankles.
I have a crazy, literal knee-jerk reaction to this.
I will leave you with one final confession. My sister is going to shit when she reads this part....
I have a list of words, words that I hate to hear, words that gross me out, words that I refuse to say. After finding out what these words are, friends of mine tend to cram them all in to one foul run on sentence, or just choose one and say it over and over until I want to cause them physical harm!
Moist
Panties
Schlong
Snatch
Douche -- although this one is on it's way off the list, I use it frequently now!

After typing those, I am physically ill. There is some vomit in my mouth now.

back in my day....

First off, an apology to those of you that read this blog. I had to take some time away because I have been angry. I was angry for many reasons that I could not disclose on here. And honestly all I wanted to do was write about it. I did however jot it all down in a journal that for now will stay for my eyes only!
I will now continue on...my birthday is quickly approaching, I will be celebrating yet another anniversary of my 21st!! I am by no means old, but I am definitely feeling that way! I was talking baseball to a friend the other day, we were discussing the price of tickets to go watch MLB. It's insane!! And before I could stop myself the words were coming out, "when I was a kid it was so cheap to go to a game." I remember when I was a kid going to see the St. Louis Cardinals play in Busch Stadium. The family loading up our own coolers, yes for you younger readers you use to be able to take your own shit into the ballgame! We would go and wait in line for bleacher seats in the outfield. I didn't make the purchase for these tickets, I was only maybe 9 or 10 at the time, but I know for a fact that it wasn't more than may be $6 or $7 a piece! Don't worry I didn't follow up by saying "and when I went to school I walked up hill both ways in the freezing cold, barefoot blah blah blah...." But, I realized something though, I am getting older and some things, well most things will never be as they were when I was younger. I'm not just talking the price I pay for many things, but how we function as a society as well. For example, I am sitting in Starbucks right now, using their wi-fi to write this blog. Blog...a word only recently introduced to our vocabulary as well. Not only is the wi-fi running on my laptop but also on my i-Phone by my side, I am texting my sister and forwarding my friend Rita a recipe. Again, I'm not that old, and it wasn't that long ago that I remember the first cell phone. That big Zach Morris Saved by the Bell heavy gray monstrosity. The only thing it had going for it was the big orange numbers! And now, there isn't much I can't do on my phone. If this is how technology is now, I can't even imagine what kind of amazing things my niece and nephew will get to be a part of.
Something that makes me giggle, is how with all this ever changing technology and everyone needing the latest and greatest gadgets and phones and computers that somethings have made comebacks. Things that we thought were long gone, and over. For example...fashion. Big fashion designers are taking past fashions and just putting different titles on them. 70's dress is "bo-ho sheek" , 80's dress is "new age hipster". Actually no, style thief, its just the fact that you can't find anything new! Another example, food. All these new restaurants doing Asian-cuban-all american-gastronomy-fusion....but doing this to say, peanut butter and jelly, hamburger and fries. Hey morons, your paying hundreds of dollars for shit that I just made in my kitchen for about a buck! And to top that all off PBR is the cool thing to drink, PBR!! Are you fucking kidding me?! Ladies and gentlemen not just PBR but PBR in a "tall-boy". Sorry, I think I got on a tangent that has more to do with hatred toward hipsters. Anyways, I believe I just made a realization in that it's self. Times may change, prices will go up, technology will continue to become more and more amazing. But I know that even though I may pay hundreds of dollars for a baseball ticket, it's still the same game. I may do a lot of my shopping online now, but I still get the same feeling like when I was a kid and got new clothes, I was so excited that I had to wear them right then!! I still do that. I have embraced the world of downloading books, but still love the smell when I go into a bookstore. I may send birthday wishes via Facebook, but its still a good feeling to know people are thinking of you on your special day. Getting older will bring change, no matter what era, you can't stop it, you can't fight it, you can't hide from it! So...saying that, bring it on 31, what do you have in store for my next year of living? ...at what age can I be considered a cougar??

a rose by any other name....

Once upon a time there was a girl who worked at her local fairgrounds over the summer. She slaved away in a BBQ joint where the pit was in the middle, with no air-conditioning and it was at the end of July. From open of the day to close, she worked the carry-out window, slinging pulled pork sandwiches, brisket, ribs, chicken, hot links, and slaw-dogs. (for the unknowing, a slaw-dog is a foot-long hot dog with mustard, relish, onions, chili, and coleslaw) Much to her chagrin, her older sister knew of said summer employment and indulged in visiting her sweaty sibling. Upon discovery of the sacred slaw-dog, her sister bestowed this upon her as a nickname.

Yup, that's right dear readers my sister Amy called me "slaw-dog" for at least another 6 months after my BBQ job was over. And even now, 15 years after this fairground career ceased to exist, she randomly throws out the loving nickname of yore and calls me "slaw-dog" for old time sake, while laughing her ass off.

Nicknames, I have had quite the load of them. Here's a list for you, not only the nickname but the giver as well:
Blossom - my dad
Number 2 - my momma
Shan Juan Puerto Rico - my grandpa
Shan Juan - shortened version of previous
Shanny -majority of my family, but I believe my sister is the starter of this one
Shenanigans - many a co-worker
Shan-ager (like manager) - my employees at Lou Malnati's in River North
Shan - majority of family, especially my aunt Marcy
Shanny Shanny Fun Pants - Katie Todd
Slaw Dog - my sister
Pink - Josh Goins, (Dazed and Confused reference)
Camry - also Josh Goins, and Rich
Stinker Bear - Matt Clements
Channon - Rita Drake
Chano - 95% of my Latinos at Lou Malnati's
Shanoonoonoonoonoon - Mr. Ashton
ShanTawn - my dad

These are just a few. Nicknames are fun, and looking over my list here it cracks me up to think of all the stories behind all these and how they came to be. Everyone on this list who bestowed a nickname upon me also has names that I have in return bestowed upon them. However I will not be listing all those, except for one. He has no nicknames for me on this list, but to those of you who have read my blog, I have been getting the question "who is this Mr. Handsome you have spoke of"? (I feel like Carrie on Sex and the City and I'm finally revealing what Mr. Big's name is). My Mr. Handsome is...drum roll please.... my wonderful boyfriend Jay! He doesn't mind, he just asked that I never refer to him as my "man-friend". Man-friend makes me giggle. teehee. 
Something I've noticed about nicknames, it's not always something completely off base from your name, in fact my good friend Jackie, to me she's Mrs. Jackson, has always called me Shannon Taylor. Never just the first name, never a shortening of the name, it's always Shannon Taylor to her.
On an ending point, I have decided to say thank you to all those who have nicknamed me, but I will be listing your nicknames, can you figure out who is who? (I know I said I wouldn't list them all earlier, but I changed my mind)
Thank you,
Barickford
Marse
Chief
Poppi
Weiner Bear
Jules
My Sista from Anotha Mista
Weeza
Mrs. Jackson
Kathy Topp
Old Man
G-Unit
Biscuit
Ami-son
and Mr. Handsome

Sisters...sisters...(think White Christmas)

To my sister, heads up, cause this blog has got you ALL over it!! And if there is anything I reveal that you didn't want out there for people to read, you can kick my ass in June when I come home!!
That being said, me and my sister have a friendly wager placed between us. We both had a goal to lose weight, and both had generally the same goal date. We (me and sis) are in a wedding at the end of June. Julie, my friend since I was 12, is getting married. Now for a slice of confusion...my sister Amy is Julie's sister-in-law. Julie's older brother, married my sister. Our families have been around each other for about 18 years now.
Anyways, me and Amy are bridesmaids. So...I started trying to lose some weight after Christmas. I have done okay-ish, I kind of dropped off on the actual working out part, but am still eating a hell of a lot better! When I started moving to my new apartment everything on the weight loss front got put on hold. So, I needed a new found motivation, a fire to be lit under my ass, Amy be thy name!
So I gave Amy a call the other day, no answer, so I left a voice-mail. "Hey, it's me, just had an idea, if your game, and still wanting/needing to lose weight. Call me. Bye."
So here's the idea... if she is still in the weight-loss game like I am. Let's do what every other warm-blooded human being would do and make it interesting, let's put some money on it!! (you're laughing, but you know deep down that when there is money on the line for something it makes you work harder).
So, she calls back, I explain my plan. And, she's on board!! Not only on board, but to the tune of $100 on board.
The rules go like this folks, our goal date is June 30th. We both have set amount of lbs. we each want to lose by this time. If Amy makes her goal weight and I don't, I owe her $100. If I make my goal, and she doesn't, that's a lovely $100 to me. If we both make our goal, we are going to treat ourselves to an AMAZING meal and go balls out on the bill, we've decided sushi and libations at Ocean Zen. In other words, win win situation! Unless I lose, so maybe not so much win win. Anyways... to my sister, may she who loses most, win the most!!
I will not share my sister's stats, cause that's just asking to get killed. But I will inform you that when this wager was placed, just about 4 days ago...my weight was 173. My goal, 155! As of April 1st I am going to shake hands with Jillain again and get my "30-Day Shred" on. And Amy don't think I didn't notice all the newly posted workout plans on Pinterest...

But folks, I am going to praise this chic for a bit. My sister, she is AWESOME!! Somehow, amidst being a mom to 2 fantastic kids (Macklen and Maggie), being a high school teacher and doing all the extra things that involves, she got her masters just a short while ago...also while being a mom and teacher. She is currently teaching an on-line college course, helping Julie plan and decorate her wedding reception, planning and hosting ways to help her students raise money for the trip they are making. Which she does once every couple of years, takes a group of high schoolers abroad. Did I mention she is a mom too?...with 2 kids? She's organized, crafty, insanely talented, incredibly patient, and she's my big sister. Writing this last part has started me crying... My sister is also one of the few people I have at home that when I talk to them on the phone it feels like I'm right there and have never left! She supports the decisions I have made in my life, no matter how insane.
Amy, you are my sister, you are my friend, you are a great wife, you are an amazing mother, and you are SO going to owe me $100 on June 30th!!!

the following blog is rated R....

The title of this should be taken seriously, anyone under 18 should be accompanied by an adult while reading this. The R rating has been given because of strong language, gratuitous sexual comments, drug reference, and brief nudity. Okay, the last one is bullshit, but...you have been properly warned!!!
So, I have recently moved in to a new apartment. This building is by no means new. I was attracted to it for a lot of the "oldness" if you will. Great woodwork, old doors that still have the skeleton keys, my 80-year-old Ukrainian land-lady named Olga. The previous couple that lived here were very nice, I only met the girl, but she said if she weren't moving out of state she would stay in the apartment. She was a very shy girl, wholesome looking if know what I mean. Not ugly, just quiet, kinda nerdy, homebody.
So the moving in begins... you know how it is when you get a new place, you open all the cabinets, closets, drawers. See what your working with, what kind of space and storage you got going on, and start planning where to put everything. I have a lot of kitchen storage in this place, good thing, cause I am a slave to kitchen gadgets! So, I pop open a drawer to put my silverware in, and HELLO porn stashed away in there!!! Yup kids, there was a porn in my kitchen drawer, the place where my silverware will sleep has been tainted by "Naughty and Next Door". An "Adam & Eve" production starring Abbey Rode! And judging by this cover Mrs. Abbey "rode" a lot in this, literally! So after discovering this little gem of previous tenant leftovers I almost pissed myself from laughing so hard! So then it was a mission, what the hell else did Sandra Dee leave behind. Well, that's Sandra Dee to the unknowing judging-you-based-on-looks first impression that I got from her. To my disappointment, that was it. The porn stood alone...or did it.
So, I took a drawer out of the built in wall dresser that's in the master bedroom. The side of it needed to be tacked on a little better. My handyman Mr. Handsome was here, he removed the drawer completely and on doing so I hear "What the hell?..." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, another tenant leftover had been discovered, a small pill box, which did have a few lingering pills in it. And a signed William Shatner biography, signed by Bill Shatner himself. Again, I'm laughing hard, but also picturing it all in my head. Was this normal Sandra Dee actually bat-shit-crazy-town?? Did she secretly love Billy Shatner so much that she fantasized about him and her starring in "Naughty and Next Door 2: Stardate 69"? And was she so taken over by this fantasy that only medication could help and she had to hide that shame too in a pill box under a dresser drawer? This lead me and Mr. Handsome to re-trace the area, scour the apartment again for anymore trinkets of tenants past. But, nothing, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that day would only be one Billy Shatner...or would it?
Typical day in the new abode, just showered, doing some hair drying in the bathroom. I was preforming the old flip the head over and dry the under part of the hair. When done, flipped head back to up-right position and looked up, and something on top of the light fixture above the medicine cabinet caught my eye. Because what I was looking at, also had eyes. I could make out the head of what looked to be some wood carved figurine.  I climbed on top of the toilet to retrieve this little guy. But how did i know it was a guy you ask? Well, from the ENORMOUS penis that was also carved onto to my newly found tri-podded friend. Two inches tall he stands and 1-inch of that is penis! Apparently, after showing many people pictures of this. Cause you know I showed everybody I could. (fyi, if you would like a picture of this to quench your curiosity, text me, I'll get it to you post haste!) This little guy, well...little in height, but not little in the wiener department, is a fertility god figurine.
Okay, let's recap here....porn, pills, signed book from The Shatner, and fertility god. What the hell was going on here? Some love makin', pill takin', porn watchin', hopeful baby makin'???
It's too funny, I can't make this shit up people! And I'm not gonna lie...I hope to find more, it's like a game now to me. Unlocking the secrets of tenants past.
I leave you with one final thing. Upon asking Sandra Dee about the neighbors above, and across from us..."are they loud?...nice?...etc. Sandra answers "Honestly I have never seen the people above here, but I have met the people across the hall and they are great. No one is loud." Thank you Sandra, you have been helpful. But, now that we have assessed that Sandra is not normal from our little findings, I have found that she must be deaf! My upstairs neighbors must not have jobs, or they themselves are in the porno biz and making movies above my bedroom!! They have the squeaky bed, that is on the squeaky floor, and let me tell you, this is no sweet love makin' my friends, this is some serious humpin' going on!!! Wait a second....Naughty and Next Door?!?! Holy shit, my neighbor is Abbey Rode isn't it?! Wonder if she will sign my porn? Then I can display it next to Billy, on my mantle...next to my fertility god.

Excuse me...motivation? Why did you leave without saying goodbye?

My strategy, too much at once. I want instant gratification. I want to take over the world in a day. I want life changing results in the matter of a hot second! But wait...this can't happen? This timeline isn't sensible? Well...sad to say this is the truth. My cup runn-eth over right now of things (brace yourself for a massive run-on sentence) to clean, paint, remove paint off of, stuff I still need to move to my new apartment, furniture I need to purchase for this apartment, groceries I need to buy, already purchased groceries I need to use before they expire, clothes I need to wash, clothes that have been washed and need to be put away, books I want/need to read so I can return them to their rightful owners. And then there are the biggies!!...The weight I want to lose, and a total re-vamp of things at my job.
I was totally commited to my new weight-loss regime as of a month ago, I was making it happen, eating healthy, working out, I had dropped about 13 pounds and a few inches. Now, well, perfect example, I could be up off my ass working out right now, but instead I'm blogging about not having the motivation any more. Ironic? No. Lazy? Yes.
I let the thought of failure get me every damn time! If I keep plugging away at something and see the journey through to the end and nothing has changed, I don't appreciate the journey, instead I give myself over to being a "failure". Therefore, if I just stop going after whatever goal I have put forth for myself, that's it to me, it's just over, I didn't "fail" per say, I made a decision that it's just over. Is this protection from my own conscious? I believe that it is. This HAS to change!! ASAP!!
I know I previously wrote a blog about not taking anyone's shit anymore. I apparently need to include myself on that list of people!! I am my own worst critic, my own worst enemy, and the biggest negative voice to myself! To all of you that read this, I'm going to say this out loud (as I type it). I WILL OVERCOME THIS!!! Now, I can be held accountable for this, it's out there!
I will lose the weight, I will be better at my job, I will get this apartment organized, I will make egg salad with my almost expired eggs so a dozen eggs don't go in the trash! I've done bigger things than this list, and have conquered!! And having said this, I am now going to pat myself on the back for a few accomplishments! :
- I have lost 13 pounds, and am wearing a size 10. I haven't worn a size 10 since...well, did I ever wear a size 10?
- I stopped drinking almost every night of the week, I rarely go out anymore. My pocket-book appreciates this as well as my body. I don't feel like hammered shit when I wake up of a morning.
- I have become crafty. I have embraced the world of DIY. I have made jewelery, clothes, and soon paint, and homemade household cleaners.
- I am a great cook. Mr. Handsome has been bragging about my cooking for days now, a-thank you.
I actually have quite a few more, now that I think about it. So, yay to me!
I end this today with an apology. Dear Motivation, you packed up and left. I'm sorry I wasn't a better hostess. But, I would like to invite you back, and ask that you stay longer, after all I do have an extra bedroom now. You can set-up shop there (even though Rita has already staked claim on it). We'll hang out, get closer and hopeful start a life-long relationship. I can't promise you'll get 100% of my attention all the time. In fact, there will be days of kicking and screaming, and flat out "No, I will not acknowledge you today!" But, I promise to pay more attention than I have. And bottom line I will treat you as more of a friend and less of an enemy.

My that collection is....interesting

Collecting. How does this start? What makes you go, "Yes I need many items of the same thing to display." I have collected a lot of things. When I was little my room was filled with clowns, creepy now to me, but at the time cute, kiddie and fun. A little older, I was a tom boy, I got into basketball, therefore I started collecting basketball cards. I had tons of basketball cards, a few of which I wish I had to this day. However, now I think the NBA is a complete load of money-hungry jack offs that need a reality bitch-slap to the face! It's not fun to watch anymore, it's all about endorsements, money and all this other shit that has nothing to do with playing the actual sport. Sorry, I could write a whole other blog about that one topic, so anyways...
My junior high-ish years, what do they call that now "tweens"?? Whatever, at this point my parents had just built a new house, so me and my sister got to do (within reason)  what we wanted as far as how our rooms would be decorated. I went with a Coca-Cola theme. I had so much Coke shit it was disgusting! I even had Coca-Cola wallpaper. I also believe that was the first year of the Coca-Cola polar bears, doubling my collection to a two-for-one! Funny isn't it, how when you start a collection and your friends and family catch wind of said collection you can now bank on every holiday that requires gifts, including your birthday, you are getting something to help you build onto your collection. I received these gifts, and am guilty of being the giver of collection gifts, ask my sister the Gone With the Wind collector! I've found that for me this is unavoidable. I no longer have a Coca-Cola collection, again grown older and moved on to something else. At this point in my life, and honestly for quite a few years now it's all Irish things that have become my collection de-jour. I believe that I have become so involved with it that I may have convinced myself I am full blooded Irish and could possibly debate how horrible the potato famine was. (did that even happen in Ireland?)
I don't have all things Irish displayed in my new home, however I am guilty of purchasing clothing with clovers on it, books of Irish history, calenders with pictures of Ireland. I love Ireland, and will someday go, and hope to maybe come back with the Irish accent, which would truly make my collection complete!
To those of you who have given me Irish gifts, I love all of them and please keep them coming. But if you come at me with a Coca-Cola trinket, a basketball card, or the dreaded clown I will warn you now, I do not accept your gift! To all collectors no matter your pleasure, keep on keepin' on!

mediocraty is for suckers!!

I refuse to sit in the back seat of my life anymore!! This is going to be a big fat blog of selfishness, cause dammit I am entitled. I am SO tired of worrying about what other people think!! I am tired of being afraid to "rock the boat" because I'm afraid of what the outcome is going to be! I am tired of not doing or saying something because of the effect it will have on the other person, or person's!!
To all of you who know me, you are probably thinking that this is a load of shit. Shannon? She cares what people think? Shannon, really? That loud-mouth doesn't speak her mind?? Well my friends hate to burst that bubble but yes, in a lot of ways I'm what you would call a people pleaser. I don't necessarily care if people like me, it's more of making sure everyone is comfortable and okay. I have done this for a LONG time, and now, I'm done!! D-O-N-E!!
I need to be okay, I need to be comfortable, I need to succeed, I need to prosper!!
Now, don't misunderstand this and think that I am going to be some insane bitch that flies off the handle on everyone at the drop of the hat. But, I will start telling people if something they are doing is negatively impacting me. I can't waste any more energy on that. I am exhausted by this. These scenarios keep me up at night. Milling situations over and over, thinking I should have said something different, reacted differently. Did I say too much, did I not say enough? BLAH, even typing these thoughts just brews up my anger at myself for turning into this type of person!!
NEWS FLASH --- Honesty is a'comin! I am going on full-blown-balls-to-the-wall communication overdrive. Look out world, Shannon is coming she isn't taking anymore negative shit, she isn't going to be passed up, she will not get lost in the crowd!
I am AWESOME!! Shouldn't I be making more people and myself aware of that everyday?! The answer is DAMN RIGHT! But you know what, I am not going to be alone on this journey. I am taking all willing and able to join me! And by joining me, you either support what I'm doing for myself, or you rise up and do it for yourself, and for the over-achiever, you do BOTH!!
Looks like I just got a package...guess what?...my balls just arrived and ladies and gentlemen, they are HUGE!!

Movin' On Up

Moving is... bittersweet. I love going through my stuff that I have, purging myself of crap I don't need, finding things I had forgotten I had. And the ever popular, "why the hell do I still have this?" moments. I'm not gonna lie, I am a pack rat. By no means am I at hoarder status, but I do hold on to some things that I should just let go. I am guilty of keeping movie and concert ticket stubs. Not from every single event, but the one's that hold sentimental attachment for me. I have some old greeting cards, again, sentimental attachment. Finding these things make me remember really good times with great people!! And 1, 3, or 10 years down the road, when I rearrange my things, or move again... I will come across said items and go, "Holy shit, I remember going to this concert! It was awesome!" or "I remember getting this card when I was moving to Chicago" or "Damn, I still have that police report?!" And someday if/when I have kids, I will show these things to them!
However, on the other side to this, I am leaving a place behind. A place that I had inhabited for almost 2 years. I know 2 years isn't that long, but considering what a BIG move I made to Chicago, and what events in my life the last 2 years have held, it seems like it's been longer. The bare walls of this apartment that I am leaving seem to be staring at me and asking "are you sure?" (that also might be my mother's resonating voice in my mind from a phone call that just ended) Yes, I am sure. It's something that needs to happen. Hearts have been broken, tears have been shed, lives have been changed. My time here on Campbell Avenue has come to an end...you will be missed.

Hello to Leavitt Street, and my new abode, I promise good times to you! Please show me the same in return. And fair warning dear new apartment...you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into! 

It's the little things...

I was posed a question by a very handsome man last night, " What makes you happy?" Well, as I stated in my last post on here, that's my goal, happy. In my head I knew what the answer was, obviously my friends and family. However before I could say this, again Mr. Handsome said that he knew friends and family made me happy. He was looking for a different answer. The kind of answer that honestly does make you stop and think for a minute, what does make me happy? I rolled this over in my head for a minute. Then when I started thinking of answers... it was all little things. Not that that's a bad thing, but I guess I never realized how many little things in my life make me happy. Things that make me smile, laugh, bring up a great memory, put me at ease, make me comfortable, and things that make me come back for more.
I had just recently finished a great book, and I mean this book made me want to find an excuse to call in to work for the day just so I could read it! That makes me happy. My morning routine makes me happy. Its not some great thought out scheme, it's just the simplicity of it. But it's what I do daily when I get out of bed. I get up, start my coffee (something else that makes me happy), TMI WARNING: I go to the bathroom, go back to the kitchen get my coffee mug out, put it in front of the maker, with my creamer and sugar. Then I return to the bathroom and brush my teeth. Again, simple, but it makes me happy, it's the start of my day!
My favorite perfume...Euphoria by Calvin Klein. It's awesome and makes me happy! Office supplies, I don't have an office job per say, but there is something about highlighters, post-its, pens, notebooks, paper clips, that make me smile. Maybe it's that nagging thought in my head that one day I will be organized, HA!
The way autumn smells, that dry leaf smell, love it! Autumn also brings that first kind of chilly day when you get to wear a sweater for the first time after sweating your ass off all summer. The smell of rain gets me too. Bonfires, especially at my parents. Drinking beer, having a hot dog or two, and just watching a fire. I really could go on and on and on. I guess the point of this is that, no matter what my day holds, whether I am dreading going to work, or I have been waiting forever for a bus or train in the cold. I woke up late, can't find my keys, etc. I realized that, somewhere amidst all my day to day humdrum, there are a lot of things that are going to make me happy! So I leave you with this thought for yourself, what makes you happy?
I just realized something, I didn't reciprocate the question back to the Mr. Handsome. Shit! I need to go make a phone call!! 

When I grow up

I love the time honored question when you were a kid... "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Well, for me, when I was a kid, I said that I wanted to "do peoples' hair". Much to my dismay when these words popped out of my mouth in my elementary youth, it was followed by giggles and chuckles. Not just by other classmates, but by the on-looking and listening adults as well. But you know what, that's what I ended up doing. Yes, it was after a stint in college going for a major in mass communications. And by "stint" I'm talking a whole semester. HA. However, in your face nay-sayers I did what I said I was going to do.
But I digress, because currently I no longer am a licensed barber, I am now a restaurant manager. Now, I know I just totally launched an in your face for something that I currently don't have as a career. This in all actuality is not my point, my point is I am 30 years old and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I do know one thing, well maybe more than one thing... I know that I really love photography, I still enjoy writing and by doing this blog I get to dabble in that again. I have suddenly learned that after years of fighting it, I am crafty, and I really like it! I actually want a table to do crafts on. (Somewhere my sister is laughing an evil laugh because I am guilty of giving her shit for being so damn crafty). I love to cook, I am eating healthier and actually enjoying the healthy food that I am eating. I am creative dammit!!
Bottom line, it may have taken me 30 years to realize a few of these things, but so what?! I am finally finding out what makes me happy, and I think that is my answer as an adult.
Shannon what do you want to be when you grow up? ....Happy.
Today I manage a restaurant in Chicago, maybe tomorrow I am herding sheep in Australia, maybe in June for my birthday I shave my head and decide to join a strange tribe in some far off country in Africa. Or I pack up, move home and find a job in good 'ole Springfield Missouri again. If one or all of these things are what makes me happy then I guess I found what I want to be when I grow up.

So I got a bug up my ass to start a blog. Why? Well, why the hell not. Since I was younger I have always wanted to keep a journal. I even remember at one point in my youth owning "the diary". That sacred book where you held your thoughts, dreams and of course...your secrets. And lets not forget that it had a lock on it (girls, you know what I'm talking about) with a tiny key. Looking back on it now, reminds me of lock and key for luggage. Both were gigantic pieces of crap. I think you could look at those locks and they would open, without even the smallest hint of Jedi mind trick. 

Anyways, I have tried with fail many times to keep said journal, I have to admit to purchasing quite a few and then only having maybe a-entry. As in one, singular, uno. However, that entry is always so excited, so hopeful, so gung-ho on writing everyday. Usually goes "I am finally starting a journal for ______ reason (enter break-up, marriage, divorce, weight loss). I can't wait to fill this journal with all my thoughts to have it maybe later when i'm long gone be discovered by someone who will have an artifact of my amazing life and then will be recopied and published around the world in thousands of languages for all the masses to read!!!!!" --sorry, I got carried away... But in all actuality that is what I truly hoped for it. But, sad to say one half page entry does not win you novel status, dead, or alive.

So friends, this blog is just me opening up my mind to you. I can't promise mind-blowing topics. What I can promise is verbal diarrhea, crazy life happenings, pissed off ramblings, the sharing of good things and good times. Maybe laughs, maybe jaw dropping "holy shit did she just type that for everyone to read". And to answer that, yes...yes I will!! So, if you are easily offended by me swearing and occasionally dropping an F-bomb, or 12, Shanny's Rambleys may not be your cup of blog reading tea.

Please read, comment, appreciate and stayed tuned for more!!

And yes, I chose a stupid play on words for my title its Shanny's Rambleys, Shannon's Rambles was too boring... and just not the Shanny you know!