My strategy, too much at once. I want instant gratification. I want to take over the world in a day. I want life changing results in the matter of a hot second! But wait...this can't happen? This timeline isn't sensible? Well...sad to say this is the truth. My cup runn-eth over right now of things (brace yourself for a massive run-on sentence) to clean, paint, remove paint off of, stuff I still need to move to my new apartment, furniture I need to purchase for this apartment, groceries I need to buy, already purchased groceries I need to use before they expire, clothes I need to wash, clothes that have been washed and need to be put away, books I want/need to read so I can return them to their rightful owners. And then there are the biggies!!...The weight I want to lose, and a total re-vamp of things at my job.
I was totally commited to my new weight-loss regime as of a month ago, I was making it happen, eating healthy, working out, I had dropped about 13 pounds and a few inches. Now, well, perfect example, I could be up off my ass working out right now, but instead I'm blogging about not having the motivation any more. Ironic? No. Lazy? Yes.
I let the thought of failure get me every damn time! If I keep plugging away at something and see the journey through to the end and nothing has changed, I don't appreciate the journey, instead I give myself over to being a "failure". Therefore, if I just stop going after whatever goal I have put forth for myself, that's it to me, it's just over, I didn't "fail" per say, I made a decision that it's just over. Is this protection from my own conscious? I believe that it is. This HAS to change!! ASAP!!
I know I previously wrote a blog about not taking anyone's shit anymore. I apparently need to include myself on that list of people!! I am my own worst critic, my own worst enemy, and the biggest negative voice to myself! To all of you that read this, I'm going to say this out loud (as I type it). I WILL OVERCOME THIS!!! Now, I can be held accountable for this, it's out there!
I will lose the weight, I will be better at my job, I will get this apartment organized, I will make egg salad with my almost expired eggs so a dozen eggs don't go in the trash! I've done bigger things than this list, and have conquered!! And having said this, I am now going to pat myself on the back for a few accomplishments! :
- I have lost 13 pounds, and am wearing a size 10. I haven't worn a size 10 since...well, did I ever wear a size 10?
- I stopped drinking almost every night of the week, I rarely go out anymore. My pocket-book appreciates this as well as my body. I don't feel like hammered shit when I wake up of a morning.
- I have become crafty. I have embraced the world of DIY. I have made jewelery, clothes, and soon paint, and homemade household cleaners.
- I am a great cook. Mr. Handsome has been bragging about my cooking for days now, a-thank you.
I actually have quite a few more, now that I think about it. So, yay to me!
I end this today with an apology. Dear Motivation, you packed up and left. I'm sorry I wasn't a better hostess. But, I would like to invite you back, and ask that you stay longer, after all I do have an extra bedroom now. You can set-up shop there (even though Rita has already staked claim on it). We'll hang out, get closer and hopeful start a life-long relationship. I can't promise you'll get 100% of my attention all the time. In fact, there will be days of kicking and screaming, and flat out "No, I will not acknowledge you today!" But, I promise to pay more attention than I have. And bottom line I will treat you as more of a friend and less of an enemy.
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